I am reposting this because we buried my mother on Wednesday and because it was a big concern of hers. Also because of the huge response several years ago. Thought it would be helpful again for many people who have lost their spouse.
My dad died almost nine years ago. My mom is now 99 1/2 years old and will be 100 on November 12, 2021. Mom misses Dad, especially since they were married for 73 years. She was discouraged about Mark 12:25 which her paraphrased Living Bible improperly rendered “will not be married” in heaven.
I wrote the following to comfort my Mom…
Mom, I know it is important to you since Dad’s death as you look forward to eternity and speculate about relationships in heaven. It is important to me too, knowing I want to be with my wife Janet in heaven.
You quoted Mark 12:25 from the Living Bible where it says husbands and wives “won’t be married in heaven.” It is the Living Bible translation – which is not a translation but a paraphrase – that renders the words “they won’t be married.” The paraphrased Living Bible takes great liberties and is quite inaccurate.
Here is how other Protestant translations translate the verse (since I know you like the Protestant translations even though the Catholic Bibles word it the same):
The King James Version renders it:
“For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.”
New American Standard Bible says:
“For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.”
New International Version (NIV) says:
“When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.”
No reputable translation translates this in a way to deny there are people continuing in love with earthly spouses. The original Greek language says there is no giving or taking in marriage. In other words, there will be no weddings in heaven.
Interestingly it says that before the flood the people were “marrying and giving in marriage” until the flood came. But after the flood Noah and his wife in the ark were still married 🙂 And their kids continued to marry and give in marriage.
There will be male and female distinctions in heaven. Jesus appeared as male after his resurrection. Mary is seen in heaven as a woman (Revelation 12:1). Marriage will be known in heaven since the Church is the Bride and there will be the great marriage in heaven with Jesus the Bridegroom and the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9).
The Pharisees set up a trap for Jesus in Mark 12:18-27. They propose a situation with seven brothers. The first marries a wife and dies with no children. The second brother “takes” the woman to procreate children for his brother. This was the law of the Jews — a brother must take the wife of his dead brother to preserve his brother’s name in the land by propagating offspring for him with his widow.) This happens seven times. Who’s wife will she be in heaven.
The woman who was the wife of the seven brothers did not marry the seven brothers. She married the first and was given to the six in order to procreate children in the name of the first. All their children would be credited to her first husband who was her true love and spouse.
The Old Testament law was very careful to preserve the land and the family heritage. If a man died without a son his brother was to take his widow and have relations with her to continue his brother’s family line. The brother was called a kinsman-redeemer. Here is a good biblical dictionary explanation,
“The role of kinsman-redeemer is found in Leviticus 25, in the case of an Israelite man’s death in which he fails to leave behind a son, the brother of the deceased man is commanded to take his widow as wife and both redeem the land and provide a son to carry on the deceased father’s name. This is Boaz’s alleged position as indicated by Naomi in Ruth 2:20 and it is this responsibility that Ruth pleads with Boaz to fulfill. Being the godly man that he is, Boaz graciously receives Ruth’s offer, but communicates that he is not the nearest kinsman-redeemer (Ruth 3:12). However, he promises that as soon as morning breaks, he will look into the situation. Additionally, he supplies Ruth with six measures of barley. Through a series of events, the door opens for Boaz to fulfill his position as kinsman-redeemer. With the greatest hesed (compassionate loving-kindness), Boaz rises to the task of becoming kinsman-redeemer.” (http://www.ligonier.org/blog/ultimate-kinsman-redeemer/)
The first husband is the real husband of the woman. The others were simply “kinsman redeemers” who would procure offspring with the widow so her husband would continue to have heirs to continue his line in Israel.
Jesus is not intending to teach on relationships in heaven but he is refuting the Sadducees’ denial of the existence of angels and the resurrection. He is cleverly eluding their question and in no way denies husbands and wives will know and love each other in heaven. This is not a treatise on relationships in heaven but a clever response to his opponents about the existence of the supernatural world.
The purpose of marriage was companionship and procreation. The propagation of children and the population of the earth was God’s plan for marriage on earth. The meeting of sperm and egg will not be needed in heaven.”Marital love” to produce children will not happen in heaven so marriage in that sense will not exist. But that does not eliminate the continuance of earthly relationship.
We will recognize each other in heaven just as the three disciples recognized Moses and Elijah on the mount of Transfiguration and John recognized Mary in heaven (Rev 12:1).
Family and matrimony are very important in Scripture and the way God fashioned the universe and created man and woman to be one flesh. There must be spiritual discernment here. The reason why the Jews buried family members together is because they will rest together in heaven. There is a spiritual permanence to family. And an extraordinarily strong spiritual permanence to matrimony. This is why it is described as “one flesh”.
We will not know and love less in heaven – we will know and love more. And can we comprehend that God would command us to love each other down here and would expect us to forget or deny that love in heaven?
Interestingly, Doctor of the Church St. John Chrysostom, in writing on fidelity in marriage said that young husbands should tell their wives, “I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us.… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you. (CCC 2365, St. John Chrysostom, Hom. in Eph. 20, 8: PG 62, 146–147.)
Would God work to perfect something here on earth, even a sacrament, and not consider it important in heaven?
Nothing in Scripture leads us to believe that relationships between spouses will be eliminated. There is every reason to believe relations will be maintained in heaven though for different reasons – enhanced reasons which we will understand when we get there.
We cannot understand our new spiritual bodies and heavenly existence any more than a caterpillar can comprehend what it will be like to be a butterfly. We cannot anticipate how personal relationships will flower in glory any more than acorn can anticipate standing 50 feet tall.
I’m convinced you and dad will have a wonderful and much better relationship. It will be different. We cannot even comprehend how much better or more in love we’ll be with our spouses, any more than an unborn baby can speculate about the taste of a delicious steak dinner.
Referring to Jesus’ words J. Vernon McGee 9 (one of your favorite Baptist preachers) writes, “This doesn’t mean that a man and a woman who were together down here can’t be together in heaven. They won’t be together as man and wife. They are not establishing a home up there, nor are they raising children. That’s the thing that He’s saying to them here.”
Marriage is an earthly word to serve an earthly purpose. Marital relationships, on the other hand, will transcend time because love is forever. Faith and hope will pass away but love will never pass away (1 Cor 13:13).
Dad is sitting in his favorite chair having coffee with Our Lord Jesus waiting for you to arrive to love you better than ever before. In the meantime he is praying for you and very intent on your well being.
I also asked Mom to read Hebrews 12:1. ”
Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us.” This is the language of sports. We on earth are running a race. Heaven in the goal. And who is cheering us on? A whole stadium full of cheering crowds. “Run, run!” and who are these crowds? The saints in heaven.
I told my mom, “Dad is in heaven watching and cheering you on! Of course he knows what is going on down here and is anxious for you to run and win the race and join him in the stands to cheer on the rest of your family and loved ones.”
(Thanks to De Maria for suggestions and insights which I have included)
Further thoughts from Whalter:
The divine declaration was that it was “not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18) The text reveals that God and the man enjoyed a genuine, interactive relationship in the pristine environment of the garden (Gen 2:15-19, 17; 3:8-9), but God had created man as a relational being a being with capacity for a relationship with God, as well as a capacity, indeed, need for relationship with others like himself.
This divinely created need for companionship and relationship was part of the original creation to which the new creation returns. Granted, after man’s lapse into sin in the garden, the need for relationship in humanity was seriously marred and deformed.
But, did God declare a law of marriage in a perfect world? There is no such law. There were no laws of marriage imposed on Adam and Eve either. The only laws were “Don’t eat from that tree” and ” Be fruitful, start multiplying”.
They were made man and wife. In a perfect world, no laws of marriage were needed…But, they were commanded to have sex and multiply. This is what made Adam and Eve to be man and wife. She came out of his rib.
This made them related. Was this a law or an act of God? What law of marriage was imposed upon Adam and Eve? In the portion of Scripture above, God was silent. Adam did all the talking. Adam was prophesying about FUTURE relationships (Adam didn’t have a Mom and Dad).
God didn’t need a law to make Adam and Eve to be man and wife. In a perfect world, no laws of marriage were needed. Why would you even need laws of marriage in a perfect world?
In a perfect world, when God did the pairing, no law was needed. Adam and Eve were made to be man and wife while they were in an immortal state intended to be forever without death.
So, did God intend for them to be man and wife forever? In Heaven, will God undo what He originally did in a perfect world? Think about that. In a manner of speaking, will He return Eve back to the rib and stop their relationship which he made and said was good? God will not undo any laws of marriage over Adam and Eve because there never were any to begin with. They will have their bodies and a wonderfully fulfilled loving relationship, though they will no longer be procreating children.
Heaven will be a perfect world, and no laws of marriage will be needed there either. Jesus made it very clear that in the age to come there will be no laws of marriage, no earthly ceremonies, no contracts being made where the father gets paid to sell his daughter (given in marriage).
Yet, as in the perfect state of union that Adam and Eve had — a relationship God made them to need and to have — in heaven he will not undo what he did in the Garden. A man will know and love his counterpart that God gave him. They will love each other in that relationship for all eternity. Mom and Dad will still be “married.”
Picture: Janet and I rejoicing that my mother is now after 10 years of separation finally home in heaven with dad.
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Family ties seem to be very important in Scripture. We can see the words, “buried with his fathers”.
Genesis 25:8-10
King James Version (KJV)
8 Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people. 9 And his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which is before Mamre; 10 The field which Abraham purchased of the sons of Heth: there was Abraham buried, and Sarah his wife.
These things, I believe, must be spiritually discerned. The reason why the Jews buried family members together is because they will rest together in heaven. There is a spiritual permanence to family. And an extraordinarily strong spiritual permanence to matrimony. This is why it is described as “one flesh”.
Matthew 19:6
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
When we look at our spouses, they are obviously NOT one physical lump of flesh with us. My wife is completely independent of me. But God says that we are one flesh, therefore spiritual discernment is in order here. That one flesh must be of the spiritual order, for where there is a physical body, there is also a spiritual body and it follows that a physical body is made of physical flesh and the spiritual body must therefore be made of spiritual flesh.
And we are joined in love and this is spiritual quantity. Therefore, it is love which joins us together. And love is permanent. As Scripture says:
1 Corinthians 13:13
13 But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
Therefore, I also have great hope that when I die, I will rest with my family and with my wife. I don’t see how it could be otherwise, to tell you the truth.
Sincerely,
De Maria
I was thinking about Matt 22,” not be given in marriage” and it occurs to me that Jesus meant that there would be no need for “s-e-x”. This is why He said, “They will be like angels”.
The woman who was the wife of the seven brothers did not marry the seven brothers. She married the first and was given to the six in order to procreate children in the name of the first. All their children would be credited to her first husband who was her true love.
Sincerely,
De Maria
And, marriage is a sacrament.
Thank you for this! Other interpritations have really bummed me out.
Ditto Sarah. I have often heard this biblical phrase and have often wondered, how can someone you have loved so deeply all of a sudden no longer be important to you in heaven?. It’s because I have also heard of a Biblical phrase that goes something like, you will love everyone equally when you get to heaven? If you feel the same for everyone, then that means no one is special to you anymore. That really is a bummer.
My objection is that the question posed by the Sadducees would not have been a valid one or a good trap if the other brothers didn’t marry the woman, the scriptures say that they each married her, they could not have sex with her without marriage it would have been adultery, they said(Moses gave us a law) Jesus called them on it by stating, they really didn’t understand the scriptures, their question was valid in that they understood that all the brothers married her, but invalid in that they didn’t understand the state of human relationships in heaven.
Answer in place of Jesus, whose wife would she be in heaven? If the first like someone proposed here, Jesus would have said so clearly.
I was reading other opinions on, will we be with our spouse in Heaven. I was up set to the point of tears at what I was reading. I love my husband more than life. After reading your explanation I felt so much better. I want to be beside him there and all of my family. Thank you.
My personal belief is that in Eternity everyone in Christ will be brothers and sisters in Christ. I do not believe our earthly memories will survive our Transformation into our New Bodies. However, we will Love everyone with the Same Agape Love with which God Loves Us. We know in the New Heaven, and I believe in the New Earth also, there will be no Tears, nor Sorrow, nor Night. Temptation and Sin will be no more. Believe what gives you Peace now, but Rest Assured that what is Coming will be Perfection with no regret nor unease of any kind. We will All Love God Perfectly as He Loves Us.
Interesting read Steve and brought back memories of my Mom. She wasn’t one to devour scripture, but she did ponder and worried about Mark 12:25. She shared many times her worries about heaven and what her relationship would be like with her husband, my dad she lost at the age of 38. She would always say, “It’s not fair if he will not be my husband in heaven, I did not have him long enough here.” I would always encourager her, that our mind can not comprehend how great heaven will be, and it’s going to be grander than our time together on earth. To be honest, I also had a hard time with Mark 12:25…
Then I wrote a book called “Finding the One, In His Time” and while doing my research I learned something and wrote this about my mom and dad ‘s marriage.
” It gives me comfort to know that my parents were married in the Church, their vows of marriage were to God and not men, and they became “one flesh” united through God the Father, Jesus Christ our Lord with the power of the Holy Spirit. This gives me hope they will for eternity be united in the Holy Trinity “as one” with our Father, Jesus Christ the Holy Spirit and all the Church.
Genesis 2:22-24
“22and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones” “and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
Mark 10: 6-9
“6But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Ephesians 5: 31-32
“31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church.
This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church.
Scripture time and time again explains the mystery of our Heavenly Father’s plan for marriage. They are to become “One.” Christ taught his disciples, that He is One with the Father and the Holy Spirit and if we believe in Him we become “one” in Him. If we become “one” in Him through faith a d then we marry and become “one flesh” with our mate, this unites the two; male and female to the Holy Trinity. Our marriage becomes united into the mysteries of the faith. Our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ our Lord and the Holy Spirit want to be in full communion in our life as we become “one” flesh. We are now “One” all of us.
My mom is still united with my Dad through the Holy Trinity and when The Lord calls her home she is going to realize not only has our Lord been with her ( and she knows this), but because of her faith in Christ, her husband, my dad are united in the loving arms of the Holy Trinity, and he is with her. Not only is her husband with her in that way, but the “whole Church” is there also.
This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church.
John 14: 19-20: “19Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more, but you will see me; because I live, you will live also. 20In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.”
John 1:14: 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only-begotten Son from the Father.
1 Corinthians 6: 15-16: “15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body “with her? For, as it is written, “The two shall become one.
Luke. 3: 21-22: “21 Now when all the people were baptized, and when Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heaven was opened, 22and the Holy Spirit descended “upon him in bodily form, as a dove, and a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.
The Holy Trinity is unity and no doubt a mystery and we are a part of the mystery in the unity. This is one area I have grown as a Catholic Convert. I think it is so beautiful to see how our Heavenly Father orchestrated His kingdom to be connected. It is through the Holy Trinity. We are not alone. Those that are in His presence are pouring out prayers for us all on earth.
Revelation: 5:6-8: “6 And between the throne and the four living creatures and among the elders, I saw a Lamb standing, as though it had been slain, with seven horns and with seven eyes, * which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth; 7and he went and took the scroll from the right hand of him who was seated on the throne. 8And when he had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each holding a harp, and with golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.
My mom passed away 2 years ago and I hope this encouraged her concerning Mark 12:25 until she finally was reunited with my dad in the most perfect way, for eternity.
I have read a few books on near death experiences… “Heaven is for Real” and my latest favorite, “Held By The Hand Of God: Why Am I Alive” by Joe Laws http://heldbythehandofgod.com/. Each one of these experiences have given me hope for my soul, and the hope that I will be with my family in heaven!
Thank you for an interesting and comforting article, Steve. Being a Catholic, one looks for interpretation from our church on this matter. I understand more now why the church is so firm on marriage, divorce and annulment – and they follow scripture. I concur with your findings and other comments, especially the one by Chas Jones. Although he didn’t touch on ‘marriage’, he defines the closeness of all and if we recognize one another, that love will transcend death and become more powerful. The point he made about “We will All Love God Perfectly as He Loves Us” says volumes. On earth, we are to love God with all our heart, soul and mind, putting Him above all things. In Heaven, it will be even more – We will be One in Him as Jesus became One in Him. Marriage will not exist as it does here on earth but we will be with the one we love as well as with others we love but in a different setting. A perfect setting, a love setting with the One who made us. I am married and love and thank God for my husband – he is a gift from God to me. We have a strong union, but we both put God first. It will be the same in Heaven. We don’t know what God has in store for us, but eye has not seen, nor ear has heard what God has ready for those who love Him. Since God is Love, He knows our hearts’ desires, and I trust that He will put that in place for us.
The divine declaration was that“not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18) The text reveals that God and the man enjoyed a genuine, interactive relationship in the pristine environment of the garden (Gen 2:15-19, 17; 3:8-9), but God had created man as a relational being a being with capacity for a relationship with God, as well as a capacity, indeed, need for relationship with others like himself. This divinely created need for companionship and relationship was part of the original creation to which the new creation returns. Granted, after man’s lapse into sin in the garden, the need for relationship in humanity was seriously marred and deformed.
But, did God declare a law of marriage in a perfect world? There are no such law. There were no laws of marriage imposed on Adam & Eve either. The only laws were “Don’t eat from that tree” and ” Be fruitful, start multiplying”. They were made man & wife. In a perfect world, no laws of marriage were needed…But, they were commanded to have sex and multiply. This is what made Adam & Eve to be man & wife. She came out of his rib. This made them related. Was this a law or an act of God? What law of marriage was imposed upon Adam & Eve? In the portion of scripture above, God was silent. Adam did all the talking. Adam was prophesying about FUTURE relationships (Adam didn’t have a Mom & Dad). God didn’t need a law to make Adam & Eve to be man & wife. In a perfect world, no laws of marriage were needed. Why would you even need laws of marriage in a perfect world?
In a perfect world, when God did the pairing, no law was needed. Adam & Eve were made to be man & wife while they were in an immortal state; So, did God intend for them to be man & wife forever? In Heaven, will God undo what He originally did in a perfect world? Think about that. In a manner of speaking, will He return Eve back to the rib? God will not undo any laws of marriage over Adam & Eve because there never were any.
Heaven will be a perfect world, and no laws of marriage will be needed there either. Jesus made it very clear that in the age to come there will be no laws of marriage, no earthly ceremonies, no contracts being made where the father gets paid to sell his daughter (given in marriage).
Thank you, Steve! I sometimes wonder this since I can’t imagine my life now or eternity without my husband; he is my everything. You give some very helpful references and thoughts to reflect on. My thought is why wouldn’t we be closest to the one who has helped us to heaven the most? Spouses are to help each other get to heaven; wouldn’t this create an even greater bond between husband and wife if we get to heaven on each others’ prayers and encouragement? If God placed these desires in our hearts of intimacy and bonding does He not fulfill them in complete fulfillment in Heaven? After reading your article I’m beginning to think that our closeness to our spouses will be even greater than while on earth in a higher and more beautiful realm than now. Can’t wait to get there!!
Fantastic – reposting to my site! Thank you!
Wonderful! I have always felt that there must be continuation of the love & commitment between spouses and family members in Heaven but have never been able to articulate my reasoning nearly as well as you have laid out here. Beautiful post. Thank you!
Matt 22:30 It is certainly a difficult passage to understand outside of the traditional reading. Some have suggested that Jesus does not refer to an abolition of marriage but rather a change in how it functions and comes about socially. The part that makes even the traditional reading difficult is the line of reasoning behind the change “for they will be like the angels.” What on earth does that mean? The standard answer has been androgyny or asexuality, but Jewish tradition points instead to their immortality. So, what does immortality have to do with marriage, and how does the traditional interpretation forge a link between them? We might say that marriage is only necessary because of mortality (i.e. to further the species), but Genesis seems to disagree. Altogether, I think it is about as clear as mud.
John Kilgallen an catholic scholar has held for a long time, there would be marriage in the resurrection. “Though Jesus does not say who wife the widow will be in the next life, it is reasonable to assume she will be the wife of the first husband, whose life was ended here, but will continue forever (with her) in the resurrected life.”
I don’t think an immaterial existence in heaven is the plan. I think material existence without the stain of sin is the important eschatological goal. So, I imagine that marriage would function in much the same way as it does now, but absent the selfishness, pride, and anger.
This is the best explanation of these verses of the bible that I have read. It is hardly ever mentioned that the questions by the Pharisees was a trick question, as they did not believe in the resurrection. Jesus was able, of course, to put them in their place by answering regarding marriage in heaven. He did not mention where there will be relationships. And I believe what the author has mentioned, we will be married in Heaven for ever
Thank You Steve. Curiously Josephus in the Jewish War tells us an anecdote which implies that the first husband will be the legitimate one in the beyond. A widow, who married several times after her first husband’s death, was told by this husband in a dream that he would claim her back. Two days after this dream, she died and could thus join him.
Thank you so much for giving me hope. I have wondered how God who loves us would create a holy union for two people – to grow their love for each other – who obviously created the beginning of husband and wife heart felt love in Eden at a time of immortality – would ever rip that love from the people he gave it to. Since God created husband and wife in Eden in immortality where He intended us to love Him first and our family a very close second, we can indeed put God first as we should in heaven and still love the one He joined us with in heart felt love in heaven.
I’m glad so many here are comforted by this interpretation…but it’s incredibly discouraging for lifelong single people…who (by this interpretation) will remain strays and “leftovers ” in heaven…very, very sad and disappointing to be deprived of marriage and family on this earth ( an actual hell on earth and then forced to spend eternity that way so that married couples can continue their exclusive, “special” relationships. I hope for a different scenario… One where those earthly married couples will be duty-bound to stretch themselves in eternity and treat *everyone* in heaven as “special.”
I just lost my husband after 47 yrs. of marriage . He was and is the love of my life along with my children. The thought of being reunited is the only thing keeping me going . If I thought I would never see him again I don’t know if I could go on. Your article has given me hope. Sometimes the Scriptures are difficult to interpret. I have also become much closer to God. I know it is my husband bringing me closer to Him and the church. I will also be joining a grief counseling group. Thank you very much.
What happens if your mom marries again before she dies? Then who’s wife will she be in heaven if its the way your thinking?
Jesus plainly said that there will be no marriage in heaven. I also don’t think we will know that our lost unsaved friends and family that haven’t been born again didn’t make it there. Jesus said there will be no more tears in heaven, so if we realized that our loved ones didn’t make it we would be devastated.
And then there is the other side of it for those of us who are not in very good marriages. It’s sad to say, but I would not look forward to heaven if I had to stay married to the woman I am married to. Eph 5:25 says that we as husbands are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus gave up his life in an attempt to save mine. I happened to accept, but not everyone does. If he asks that I sacrifice my life (i.e. not divorce her to try and have a happier life) in an attempt to save (live as an example and bring Christ into the home) hers, can I disobey? No. But I am soooooo grateful there is an end to it.
Hello,
My name is Robert Tran and I have a question about heaven. Will I see my lover there? I’m Buddhist and she’s Catholic.
My husband died a month ago. I remember they say he will not remember me as his wife when i also die. This makes me soo sad and ask anyone authority on catholic believes. While praying for my husband everynight i ask and prayed somhard to GOD not to allow my husbnad not knowing me as his wife when i die. I talk to GOD catholic teaching is to love one another when we got married how come when we will not know each other when we die? This is unfair and against the teaching oF LOVING ONE ANOTHER AS GOD LOVES HIS CHURCH.
But now that i read this article it is a great reliefe and happiness that i could live my life now hoping i will be with my husband when GOD will take me. Thank you so much for this article. Now i will be praying hard for the soul of my husband be at peace. I will NOT bug him anymore for i know now I WILL BE WITH HIM WHEN I DIE.
Thank you for this article. I’m not Catholic but I was searching for an answer to my recent loss of my ex-husband. We were married for fourteen years and got a divorce. Neither of us remarried nor did we have other children with anyone else, except the two children when had during our marriage. Before his death my ex sent for me to come and visit with him. As he laid dying he requested for forgiveness for all the things he should have done and all the things that he should not have done. He told me that if he had the chance he would marry me all over again that I was the love of his life and that he had never stopped loving me. He went on to tell me that I would forever be in his heart and that he would carry a piece of me in his heart and when he crossed to other side he would always be near to protect. I confessed my love for him and asked for forgiveness also; as we made our amends. I had seven whole days to cherish how much he loved me and I him, before his death. To have had a wonderful marriage for more than a decade and then have events to turn our lives as well as our children’s lives upside down, only to learn that your spouse never stop loving you and you only had seven days to relive being that consumed by love, only to have to leave it behind when we cross to the other side, seems unbearable . This article gives me hope, that one day when I meet him on the other side, the love that we once shared will be ours again. Because heaven is a place of paradise, so the events that caused us not to make it here in our earthly lives, will no longer be a factor.
Thank you so much, My husband just pass away less than two weeks ago we were marry for 9 years only but I love him so much and he to me. We found each other after failure in our marriage because the infidelity of our espouses. But he and I love each other so much. I know God guide me to read this because i have a wonderful peace,
It is almost 56 days since my husband died. The sorrow and loneliness being apart from him hurts me so much that i want to commit suiced to be with him but the thinking of going to hell if i do commit suiced scared me for not being with him in heaven. When sorrow and loneliness struck me i read and read your article sir, over and over. By reading over and over the assurance of being with my husband when i die gives me comfort and more trusting to GOD that HE will let us be together in heaven i am now trying to follow GOD’S teaching to be able to be with my husband. When i pray for my husband soul everynight i never forget PRAY FOR THE SOUL OF MY HUSBAND (N) or HAVE MERCY FOR THE SOUL OF MY HUSBAND(N). I always attach the phrase MY HUSBAND in his name. This way GOD will not forget he is my husband and i am his wife, until we meet again.
Thank you sir steve ray for this enlightenment.
Thank you Steve for the comforting article. My wife died just a short month ago. We always told our kids we were ONE, even had a self proclaimed psychic tell us we were soul mates. I never had any doubts we would be in heaven together as ONE, until now, as the worldly sorrow eats at your heart and being. Your writing has restored my faith that we will be ONE in heaven, united in and through CHRIST. I pray that my wife, Lisa, is wrapped in the glorious love she deserves, that she has no worries for those of us left behind to be perfected and completed, and that she is with the ones she loved here on earth who preceded her. In a perfect place, how could it be any other way? I specifically ask the Lord for what I want, and that is to be with Lisa for eternity, and I ask him to guide me on the path to get there, and how do I serve Him in this world so he would be gracious to answer my prayer, whether it takes 1 day or 10,000 days. I also pray for endurance, and wisdom, this is the only way I get through the moments when I want to leave this planet.
Hey STEVE RAY,
What do you purpose happens to those widows/widowers who remarry validly in the Catholic Church and so have become ‘one flesh’ with their second wife/husband just as they were with the first? What happens when the Church considers your second or even third marriage VALID, then who are you with in Heaven if they are all valid marriages in the eyes of God and His Church???
I have been married and widowed twice. I loved my first husband but because I have shared so much more with my second husband I would really like to be with my second husband. I always had dreams that I had to choose one. I think I will be close to both of them because the love we share will be different than on earth and whatever it is it will be beyond human belief. I have to believe God is good and we will not be dissapointed.
It’s interesting to note that the argument that pure love flourishes in heaven actually left room for a sexual life there. The most prominent of this view was the chaplain to Queen Victoria, Charles Kingsley. For him, heaven was everlasting conjugal union; “those thrilling writhings” he wrote before he married “are but dim shadows of a union which shall be perfect.” Even in his published letters, carefully edited by his wife Fanny, Kingsley did not shirk from asserting that sexual love continued. Kingsley wife, Fanny said, “…if she (Eve) shrank not, why should I? If Holy Eden was the scene of marriage and marriage love, why should I fear to leap into your arms to realize one of Eden’s blessing or taste an enjoyment which must be pure if it was tasted there?”
Marriage, prefigured by a Miltonian paradise, entailed love, friendship, and sexual enjoyment. For Kingsley, to limit marriage to reproduction thus confining it to earthly existence was “an old Jewish error” His own marriage was so intrinsic to his being that, “if inmortality is to include in my case identity of person, I shall feel to hear (Fanny) for ever what I feel now” Kingsley rejected any notion that sexual passion should be limited to the male. The mutual sexual enjoyment of husband and wife, far from being merely an unfortunate result of original sin, would survive in heaven. “There” Kingsley insisted, “we shall be in each other’s arms forever” Faced with the scriptural denial marying in heaven, he said it is marrying that shall end but not marriage. “All I can say is if I do not love my wife, body and soul, as well there as I do here then there is neither resurrection of my body or of soul, but of some other, and I shall not be I.” Queen Victoria was buried in her bridal veil in preparation to meet her husband.
What if we weren’t able to get married? My fiance died three weeks ago. I miss him so badly, I am TERRIFIED that I won’t get to see him in heaven. In my mind, we were already married. We live in different countries, if we lived in the same place we would have been married years ago. I miss him so much, I would do anything to see him again. How can it be heaven without him? Or heaven but we are not together? I want to trust God it’s just so hard. I wish more than anything there was a way to be sure.
I agree, I believe that there will be the marital relationship in the life to come, though it will not come about through men marrying or giving in marriage, but through the will of God. It is the business transaction of marriage, not the relationship of marriage, that Christ is here saying will not exist at that time.
But if we will be men and women in the life to come and will be live together in a relationship that is similar to marriage. Why sexual expression of love would not be a reality in the life to come?
Do you think that will be there sexual expresion among men and women in Heaven?
Not knowing anybody who has had a close encounter of the spiritual world Ido not know about sexual expression among men & women in heaven. In spirit form I do not believe it is necessary. I have was married for close to 61 years. I can't get over it. I knew this person better than anyone else I have ever known and I grieve much more than I grieved over my beloved family. My only hope is that my late wife & I will be reunited once it is my turn. I have no children so this is very hard for me.
STEVE HERE: thanks for your comment. Sorry for your loss and certainly glad we believe in the resurrection and life eternal and you will have the joy of meeting your wife again. You made the comment about us being in the form of spirit in heaven. We will be spirits but we also have our bodies. First Corinthians chapter 15 tells us will have new Resurrection bodies. We believe in a bottle the resurrection!
I just have to say this is the most beautiful article I’ve ever read! I’ve always wondered and asked myself about what marriage will be like in heaven, since it’s something very important to me, and I found this article and it lifted my spirits so significantly. I hope you don’t mind me posting this on my own site (I was sure to accredit all to you and your site). It’s so inspiring, so thank you!!
In the nature of sexuality from the Song of Songs, we note one aspect that is not mentioned. The Song contains no reference to the procreative function of sexuality. This is not to imply that Canticles is hostile to the procreative aspect of sexuality: The lovers allude to the beauty of their own conception (3:4; 8:2) and birth (6:9; 8:5). But in the Song sexual union is given independent meaning and value; it does not need to be justified as a means to a superior (procreative) end. We might say that marriage is only necessary because of mortality (to further the species), but Genesis seems to disagree.Isn’t the point of the resurrection and the new creation to restore all that has been corrupted by sin and death?
STEVE RAY HERE: Not having been there, heaven that is, I don’t know for certain. However, since the primary purpose on sexual intercourse is the procreation of children I would suggest there is not sexual intercourse in heaven. But we should probably anticipate far superior.
So if the Song of Songs is a return to Eden and if salvation is to restore man and woman back to the creation design which received such a postive affirmation from God, what about sex? do you believe that there will be sex in Heaven? I am not talking about only the gender of male or female I am talking about sexual intercourse? What do you think Steve?
I had often wondered what happened after we pass away if our marriages still continue in heaven and if we are still in love like we are now. Thankyou so much for this wonderful explanationa nd it is such a clear picture on what God intends.. I really appreciate this with all my heart. Just being with my husband a little over a year and two months in marriage i do wonder about these things.
Im going to share this with him later. because honestly i didnt know what it meant. with the KJV interpretation because thats what i read out of. but you have made this so much more clearer! Thankyou again!
OKay then what if the wife or husband end up in hell???
I heard Mark 12:18-27 for the first time in church yesterday. I am married and have been for ten yrs. We were married in the church. I have to say I left church angry and feeling confused! I never understood the words “till death do we part” obviously and what that mean’t in the church. I have been upset since and went hunting for clarity and stumbled onto this article. I feel better reading it, but still confused. How could a sacrament not be recognized in heaven? The priest exaplained it as we are gods children only when we go to heaven. He didn’t explain it as you all have. He said its the good place. (Heaven). To me this all sounds depressing and makes me questions my beliefs. Why would we be encouraged to make our sacraments for them not to be recognized in heaven!!! Why would for years my mom not take communion because she was told not too because she was divorced. My mom is a good women who took us out of a bad situation and she is frowned upon in the catholic religion and told to not take communion! Even though when we die our marriages aren’t recognized anyway! Sigh! Confusing and it’s all speculation of how you read the readings! We could all come up with a different meaning.
Thank you Sir Steve for this article. My husband died over a month ago and still missing him so much. When I read, it made to hope that he would still be my husband—for eternity. I could not think of anyone else to be so.
I have been feeling so depressed about life and death lately, to the point i don’t see the purpose in doing anything since its going to lead to death. After wondering why i felt this way, i realised its because heaven without the love of my life (who i love more than myself and life itself) is depressing. I want to be able to love, hug, kiss, talk and be with the love of my life like i am on this earth. Being with him makes me feel that heaven is on earth. This article gave me a sense of hope that i will get to be in a marriage with him in heaven, and i can now look forward to the afterlife with him.
thank you.
I’m in Awe..My precious husband went home a few months ago..after 41 plus beautiful years together..I know that our God would just wipe that kind of Love from us..You Words have just touched my broken heart..thank you..and Lord bless you…
Steve, I was compelled to revisit you article today, January 14th, my wife Lisa’s birthday. Today is also the day we chose to anoint and bless our house and land. So many miracles in the last eight months. I also have come to same conclusion as you – God will not undo in heaven what he wanted perfected on Earth. Today we glorify Jesus, turn our life and land over to Him, and I believe it all to be because my wife prays and advocates for us in heaven, all day every day. I hope today the Lord fills her with even more of his agape love as we remember and honor Lisa Winters, the best earthly example of the spirit of Jesus Christ I have witnessed on this planet. Thank you so much for you sharing your article, your beliefs. Very grateful.
I truly appreciated your article and the comments that followed. I lost my wife just a few weeks ago and have been so broken since her passing. I believe we will see each other again when I pass on but have wondered about how the relationship will be when I arrive. What I am unable to reconcile is whether she knows how sad I am and how that might affect her feelings there if heaven means joy and happiness.
STEVE RAY HERE: So sorry about your wife. I cannot even imagine.
Hebrews 12:1 says we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses and we should run the race. The writer is using sports analogies and means that your life here is like a race and your are running in the stadium. The crowd of witnesses are those in heaven who are in the stands cheering us on. Your wife is not sad because she is with the Lord and is there cheering you on so that you will be with her for all eternity.
I am so in awe of my dear wife and all her virtues, and feel so deeply fortunate every day that she is my wife and life partner. I want to be sure that I am with her eternally and I often think about the afterlife and our connection in the next world. I have herd a priest say that you should love your wife like you love God. Some people say that the Bible says the institution of marriage is not necessary in Heaven, however, it does not say that we will not still have that union. In fact, they think it’s quite clear we will still have partners in Heaven, but it will be perfect – “we will be with the person God intended for us all along, just as Adam and Eve were before the fall” Marriage is a representation of the relationship between Jesus and His bride (the Church), and is a bond where we share God’s love with each other – we will see Christ’s love in each others eyes. It’s possible that there will be partnership in Heaven as an eternal and particular reminder of Christ’s love for the Church? as a mirror?
It’s true that in Heaven we will love our wives and husbands just as we are to love God, our enemies and our neighbors? Love all at equal levels?
My dream is to be hand-in-hand with my soul mate so I know I have a lot of work to get to that level. May we learn to convert our love into righteousness and then we may merit eternal love.
My beloved wife Tina & I married Sept. 30th 1967. She had her 1st. D & C Cancer issue April 1968.
March 1969 our daughter was born, another D & C April 1070 another D & C June 1971 our son was born and a Hysterectomy. 2007 Breast Cancer. 2009 greatly reduced vison due to cancer blocking drug. 2010 onset of early Alzheimer's. 2011 Leukemia. 2013 Skin Cancer. 2015 Metastasized Cancer to Brain, Lungs, Spine. April 14th. 2015 Tina passed away. After the Hysterectomy no need for SEX to procreate. SEX was a part of our lives, because of the joy it gave BOTH of us. Would have gladly shared some of her Cancers. The only thing that stops me from SUICIDE is the teaching that it will condemn me to HELL. Should I some how make it to HEAVEN and not find my Tina there I would ask to be sent to where ever she is. HEAVEN would be HELL without my beloved wife.
GOD joins Man & Woman in the Holy Sacrament of Marriage for eternity. Not a fling for a moment in time. Then say O K you have enjoyed each other long enough, it is time to go separate ways.
Each of us have been put on Earth for a purpose. Those of us that have become ONE are to remain ONE. Those that do not remain ONE, only GOD has the right to judge if that is right or wrong.
For he is the only judge that matters. With my passing I will have a chance to rejoin my wife that THE KEEPER OF THE STARS put together Christmas Eve 1966
STEVE Ray HERE: like I said in the email I sent to you, this response of yours literally brought tears to my eyes. If my wife died today I’d feel exactly the same way. God bless you and the four of us will all meet in heaven for a glass of wine.
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